Ever felt that dull pain in your chest? The quiet yet constant pain that insists on you thinking about the very things that you’re trying hard to forget? Like the snooze alarm of our minds, with its incessant reminders of yesterday. With each passing minute it gets increasingly loud, as you fumble for the non-existent stop button.
As inconvenient as this pain might be, you know that the days are relatively better. The sunlight breaks the vicious cycle of thoughts. The brightness throws the demons off scent. Your deepest fears are drowned by the chaos of the world. The spotlight is on the people and the things that surround you. The obsessive mind welcomes the distraction, as your unfocused thoughts shift from one thing to another.
But in the darkness of the night, you are alone. The night brings with it an unnatural silence. As you sit by the moonlight, paralyzed, you know what is to come. The inevitable. And it begins. One by one they jump out of the darkest corners of your being. Each uglier than the one before. Held captive by fear, your feet rooted to the ground, you remain where you are. You feel their presence. The voices. How you dread those terrifying voices. A gentle hum of nostalgia and random memories, gradually raising to a deafening roar of pain, guilt and shame.
The visitor is here once again. The paranoia. Unwelcome as it is, it never hesitates to stay a while. As it takes control over your thoughts and your emotions, you’re convinced that it’s not over yet. Yesterday’s mistakes are coming for you.
With nothing else to turn to, you know there is little you could do to escape this. You take a deep breath gathering all the strength that you’ve got and give in. You take the beating. You allow them the satisfaction of watching you fall to the floor and writhe in pain. You cover your ears with shivering hands and shut your tear filled eyes tight, praying that it’s over already.
You’re haunted, not by the deceased but by the alive and breathing. And the next thing you know, you’re breathless. You struggle as the air refuses to enter your lungs. You know what is suffocating you. You know it by the way it feels. It is your past.
As the first rays of light hit the ground, one by one they all leave. You managed to stay alive. It is a new day, and you should be feeling brave. But the terror from the night before is still fresh in your mind. You carry your trembling body around. As you go through the day, you walk a little faster, hold your head a little lower, hoping to pass by unseen.
But they see you.
It’s you who don’t see them.
You convince yourself to not fear the nights to come. You tell yourself that tonight will be better, unaware of them laughing eerily at you. Once the day is gone, the night must arrive. They leave by the dawn, but they must return with the darkness. What a naive soul you must be, to even think that you’d be left free..